wedding crashers you motorboatin son

• You Motorboating Son of a Bitch

About Wedding Crashers

• Released in 2005
• Directed by David Dobkin
• Produced by New Line Cinema

Wedding Crashers Scenes

• You Shut Your Mouth
• Just the Tip
• Wedding Montage
• Hell of a Season
• I'm a Cocksman
• Death You Are My Bitch Lover
• Jeremy Seduces Gloria
• Claire's Toast
• Stage 5 Virgin Clinger
• That Was My First Asian
• No More Bodily Fluids
• Crab Cakes and Football
• I'd Find You
• I Don't Even Wear a Belt
• Sea Otter Story
• Holy Shirts and Pants
• Those are Lovely Tits
• Mom Make You Feel Her Tits?
• Grandma's Kind of Mean
• You Do the Math
• Todd and Jeremy in Bed
• Midnight Rape or the Gay Art Show
• Starboard's This Way
• Let's Go Kill Some Birds
• Jeremy Gets Shot
• I Hope You Flip Your Bike
• Randolph and Sack
• The Beach Scene
• Engagement Announcement
• I Wasn't A Virgin
• Jeremy and the Priest
• John Loves Claire
• Good News Travels Fast
• That Painting Was a Gift
• John's Plan
• Sack Fights John
• Rule Number 5 - You're an Idiot
• Jeremy and Gloria Get Engaged
• Claire Bear
• Light Reading
• Ma, Meatloaf
• Funeral Scene
• Preview of Marriage to Ike Turner
• Final Scene

Characters in This Scene

Jeremy Grey

John Beckwith

Grandma Mary Cleary

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44 Hilarious Wedding Crashers Quotes

• by — Tobias Handke

Published on July 12, 2023

When it comes to early 2000s comedies, Wedding Crashers is up there alongside Step Brothers , Napoleon Dynamite , Superbad , The 40-Year-Old Virgin , and Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story as one of the best. The hilarious comedy, about two divorce lawyers who crash weddings to pick up women, is full of fantastic one-liners, funny dialogue exchanges, and memorable Wedding Crashers quotes that have become part of our everyday speech. “ You motorboatin’ son of a bitch ,” anyone?

Directed by David Dobkin from a screenplay by Steve Faber and Bob Fisher, Wedding Crashers stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn as John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey, two 20-somethings who enjoy nothing better than crashing weddings and scoring with the bridesmaids.

Everything is going swimmingly until the duo decides to crash the wedding of US Secretary of the Treasury William Cleary’s (Christopher Walken) oldest daughter. The two set their sights on Cleary’s other two daughters, with Grey hooking up with Gloria (Isla Fisher), who quickly becomes obsessed with him, and Beckwith courting Claire (Rachel McAdams).

Breaking all the rules they set as wedding crashers, the lads go back to the Cleary’s for the weekend as Beckwith begins to fall for Claire. Hilarity ensues as Grey tries to escape the clutches of the sexually possessive Gloria while Beckwith ramps up the charm as he contends with Claire’s deuce bag boyfriend Sack Lodge (a memorable Bradley Cooper playing against type).

Despite mixed reviews, Wedding Crashers was a massive box office smash, earning $288.5 million and putting the R-rated comedy back on the map. The film was a massive boost to the careers of McAdams, Fisher, and Cooper, who were all relatively new in the industry. While some of the jokes wouldn’t fly today, overall, Wedding Crashers is a good laugh, especially when the movie heads to the house of Secretary Cleary in New Hampshire where the touch football game and little hunting trips bring the laughs. The surprise appearance of Will Ferrell as veteran wedding crasher Chazz Reinhold is one of the movie’s great cameos that’s sure to have you laughing uncontrollably.

So read on below and discover the funniest and most memorable Wedding Crashers quotes that will have you ready for wedding season.

1. “I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a bitch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!” – Jeremy Grey

2. “I’m sorry I called you a hillbilly. I don’t even know what that meant.” – John Beckwith

3. “Wow, getting a nice preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner here.” – Jeremy Grey

4. “True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.” – John Beckwith

5. “Death, you are my bitch lover!” – Todd Cleary

6. “I’m a little too traumatized to have a scone.” – Jeremy Grey

7. “You’re like that crazy guest who thinks he’s part of the family already.” – Claire Cleary

8. “I felt like Jodie Foster in ‘The Accused’ last night.” – Jeremy Grey

9. “You know how they say we only use 10% of our brains? I think we only use 10 % of our hearts.” – John Beckwith

10. “I got to get outta here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger. Stage five, virgin, clinger.” – Jeremy Grey

11. “Mom! The meatloaf!” – Chazz Reinhold

12. “Love doesn’t exist, that’s what I’m trying to tell you guys. And I’m not picking on love, ’cause I don’t think friendship exists either.” – John Beckwith

13. “Yeah! Crab cakes and football. That’s what Maryland does!” – Flip

14. “Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bull’s eye.” – Jeremy Grey

15. “I almost nunchucked you; you don’t even realize!” – Chazz Reinhold

16. “What are you doing? It’s a game of touch football, every time I look over, you’re on your ass again.” – John Beckwith

17. “I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I’ve had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?” – Jeremy Grey

18. “Whatever. Make me a bicycle, clown.” – Young boy at the wedding reception

19. “Oh, that’s terrific! Why don’t you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning.” – Jeremy Grey

20. “Let’s play tummy sticks.” – Todd Cleary

21. “I feel totally ridiculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn’t see me?” – Jeremy Grey

22. “Oh, he says he believes in art, but all I’ve seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick!” – William Cleary

23. “Who gives a shit? It’s a great band, it’s a bad band, it’s like pizza, baby.” – Jeremy Grey

24. “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!” – Mrs. Kroeger

25. “Yeah, her boyfriend just died. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot.” – Chazz Reinhold

26. “I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it.” – Jeremy Grey

27. “Don’t ever leave me.” “Good. ‘Cause I’d find you!” – Gloria Cleary

28. “Last week I made, to scale, a balloon model of Wrigley Field. I don’t have anywhere to put it.” – Jeremy Grey

29. “William doesn’t give a sh*t about my tits.” – Kathleen Cleary

30. “Well snap out of it! What, a hot older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.” – Jeremy Grey

31. Randolph: “You banging the daughter and the grandma? How much jam you got, man?”

Jeremy Grey: “Jam, I…”

Randolph: “Listen, man, the family dog lives downstairs. I can wake him up for you if you like. His name is Snooky.”

32. “I made you a painting. I call it “Celebration.” It’s sexual and violent. I thought you might like it.” – Todd Cleary

33. Jeremy Grey: “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

John Beckwith: “Soft mattress?”

Jeremy Grey: “Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.”

34. “She’s fit for a straight-jacket. This broad’s fucked three ways towards the weekend. But you know what, father? I dig it! It turns me on.” – Jeremy Grey

35. “True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.” – Claire Cleary

36. “Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!” – Jeremy Grey

37. “Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.” – Chazz Reinhold

38. “You motorboatin’ son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?” – Jeremy Grey

39. “So damn beautiful! With every death there comes rebirth, it’s the circle of life. We’re gonna be all right.” – Chazz Reinhold

40. “This is the real world, lady! You can’t just go shooting people on a whim!” – Jeremy Grey

41. John Beckwith: “How long have you and the Secretary been married?”

Kathleen Cleary: “30 years next April.”

John Beckwith: “That’s beautiful.”

Kathleen Cleary: “Yeah. And we were faithful for two of them.”

42. Secretary Cleary: “Once Sack and Claire tie the knot, two of the great American families, the Clearys and the Lodges, will finally unite.”

John Beckwith: “And then of course you can challenge the Klingons for interstellar domination.”

43. “I’d like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it’s not Halloween. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula.” – John Beckwith

44. Jeremy Grey: “Wow. Mr. Environmental is also a hunter. That’s got to be an interesting combination.”

Sack Lodge: “I hunt quail, Jeremy. They’re overpopulated in this region and they’re decimating the grubworm population. You got a fucking problem with that?”

Jeremy Grey: “Not nearly as much as I do with the attire that you have on, or just your general point of view towards everybody. But let’s go kill some birds. I’m psyched.”

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42 “Wedding Crashers” Quotes That’ll Influence You to Rewatch

• Chapelle writes articles for The Knot Worldwide. She covers all things wedding-related and has a personal interest in covering celebrity engagements and fashion.
• Before joining The Knot Worldwide, Chapelle was an editorial intern for Subvrt Magazine.
• Chapelle has a degree in English writing from Loyola University New Orleans.

No invite? No problem! Wedding Crashers proved you don't need an invitation to enjoy a plate of prime rib, groove on the dance floor and indulge in a piece of cake. As some of our favorite Wedding Crashers quotes show, all you have to do is wear snappy duds, add a dash of bravado and remember the essential rules. The result? Happily ever after—almost. So, if you need inspiration for your next Instagram post this wedding season , check out the best Wedding Crashers lines that'll leave you rolling with laughter and ready to watch the movie all over again on date night .

Wedding Crashers lines and quotes fans love: The Best Overall | Funny | From Vince Vaughn | From Owen Wilson | Best Will Ferrell | Rules

Best Wedding Crashers Quotes

When this romcom-meets-bromance first hit the big screen, Wedding Crashers gave guests and surprise crashers everything they needed to make the most of the getting-hitched season. Here are some of the best Wedding Crashers wedding quotes that are more entertaining to repeat and share than wedding vows will ever be (just kidding).

1. "You know how they say we only use 10% of our brains? I think we only use 10% of our hearts." – John Beckwith 2. "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" – Mrs. Kroeger 3. "Yeah! Crab cakes and football. That's what Maryland does!" – Flip 4. "You're like that crazy guest who thinks he's part of the family already." – Claire Cleary 5. "Death, you are my bitch lover!" – Todd Cleary 6. "Don't ever leave me…'Cause I'd find you!" – Gloria Cleary 7. "True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." – John Beckwith 8. "Love doesn't exist, that's what I'm trying to tell you guys. And I'm not picking on love, 'cause I don't think friendship exists either." – John Beckwith 9. "I made you a painting. I call it 'Celebration.' It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it." – Todd Cleary 10. "Whatever. Make me a bicycle, clown." – Young boy at the wedding reception

Wedding Crashers Funny Lines

It's hard to say what the funniest Wedding Crashers movie quotes are, but we took a stab at it. Here are the top seven funny lines that made the cut.

11. "I'm just warming up. Last week I did an exact [balloon] replica, to scale, of Wrigley Field. Honest to God. I don't have anywhere to put it." – Jeremy Grey 12. "I'm sorry I called you a hillbilly. I don't even know what that meant." – John Beckwith 13. "I almost nunchucked you; you don't even realize!" – Chazz Reinhold 14. "Todd, that's good! Tell that mean ocean!" – Secretary William Cleary 15. "You ready for some football? You want the noise brought on you because here it comes." – Flip 16. "This congregation really doesn't care about how depressing your life is, John." – Sack Lodge 17. "Of course, like all kids, I had imaginary friends. But not just one. I had hundreds and hundreds and all of them from different backgrounds who spoke different languages. One of them, his name was Caleb. He spoke a magical language only I could understand. [Starts speaking made-up language]" – Gloria Cleary

Best Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers Quotes

Whether you call him Jeremy Grey or his beloved nickname Baba Ganoush in Wedding Crashers , Vince Vaughn steals the show as the character with arguably the most popular quotes. Get ready to relive all the fun because "It's wedding season, kid!"

18. "Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal." 19. "I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?" 20. "Who gives a sh*t? It's a great band, it's a bad band, it's like pizza, baby." 21. "Oh, that's terrific! Why don't you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning." 22. "This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!" 23. "I'm a little too traumatized to have a scone." 24. "A friend in need is a pest." 25. "I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a b*tch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!" 26. "I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you." 27. "Get on in here, let the big bear get his paws on ya." 28. "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating."

Best Owen Wilson Wedding Crashers Quotes

The other half of the iconic Wedding Crashers duo, Owen Wilson (also known as John Beckwith), helped make the movie memorable too. Below are all the lines Beckwitch said that made us laugh out loud.

29. "Grow up Peter Pan—Count Chocula." 30. "You better lock it up." 31. "I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a f**king race horse." 32. "I love you. Yeah, you, big guy." 33. "You're unbelievable. Judas! Rule number five: You're an idiot." 34. "I don't know what red seven means. What is hot route?" 35. "Don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper." 36. "I'm sorry, Kitty Kat. Are you out of your f**king mind?"

Best Will Ferrell Wedding Crashers Quotes

Chazz Reinhold in Wedding Crashers, Will Ferrell's role, killed every scene he was in. Reinhold is the lovable idiot whose character switches from hooking up at nuptials to scoring big at funerals.

37. "Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac." 38. "Yeah. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident. What an idiot! 'Ahh! I'm hang-gliding! Honey, take a good picture...I'm dead!' What a freak." 39. "Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?" 40. "I'm just living the dream." 41. "It's like fishing with dynamite." 42. "So damn beautiful! With every death, there comes rebirth, it's the circle of life. We're gonna be all right."

Wedding Crashers Rules

Is your wedding guest calendar looking bleak? Don't fret! While the movie didn't cover all of them, we've rounded up some of the best Wedding Crashers rules you need to rock this wedding season.

• Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
• Rule #2: Never use your real name.
• Rule #3: Never confess.
• Rule #4: No one goes home alone.
• Rule #5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow Crasher.
• Rule #6: Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
• Rule #7: Blend in by standing out.
• Rule #8: Be the life of the party.
• Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
• Rule #11: Sensitive is good.
• Rule #12: When it stops being fun, break something.
• Rule #13: Console the bridesmaids.
• Rule #14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
• Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the truth.
• Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family tree.
• Rule #18: You love animals and children.
• Rule #19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
• Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
• Rule #24: If you get outed, leave calmly. Do not run.
• Rule #25: You understand she heard that, but that's not what you meant.

• ABBREVIATIONS
• BIOGRAPHIES
• CALCULATORS
• CONVERSIONS
• DEFINITIONS

     

Wedding Crashers 2005

You motor boating son of a b*tch

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Are you a quotes master, in which movie did this phrase get tattooed on someone back: "i never wish to be parted from you from this day on".

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Movie quotes are occasionally useful. Last week, when Paris Hilton claimed that she didn't "deserve" her jail sentence, there's nothing we wanted more than to stand over her like Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven and whisper, "Deserve's got nothing to do with it, mister." These five phrases from recent comedies, on the other hand, have all become cultural shorthand for, "I'm smart enough to remember what that one guy said that one time, but just barely bright enough to breathe without a machine."

5. "C'mon, Focker!" (Or any sentence that ends in "...Focker!")

Common Usage: Any time when you want to say "fuck" but are afraid of being naughty. Basically, first through third grades. After that, if you can't get past the thrill of almost saying a curse word, chances are you're never going to need to know what the verb form of the word "fuck" means anyways.

4. "Shake and bake!"

Common Usage: Usually delivered with a fist bump, "shake and bake" is like a Forrest Gump quote mixed with a high five. It shows your friends that you think of yourself as a semi-retarded NASCAR driver, and that you hold them in the same high regard. Sprinkling a "shake and bake" in while dishing out the celebratory fist bumps lets everyone in the room know that your last big win was completing the Tri-Force (in "The Legend of Zelda," but you knew that).

3. "Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you."

Common Usage: Sure, you could recite this quote when a friend of yours mentions a recent hookup. He'll probably reply, "Oh, I get it, that's from that movie Wedding Crashers ." And you will in turn say, "Yup!" And then the two of you will sit around in a haze of awkward, stultifying stupidity for the rest of the night.

A better way to use it is any time your dad starts a sentence with "Me and your mom"¦" That'll be sure to liven up Thanksgiving dinner. Especially if your mom has great tits.

2. "You know how I know you're gay?"

Of course, anyone who uses this quote will be quick to remind you that they don't have anything against gay people. They're not talking about GAY, gay. Just"¦y'know"¦ gay . C'mon, you know what they mean. Quit being so gay.

Common Usage: Anytime someone uses this line, things usually devolve into what amounts to a stupider, whiter version of the MTV show Yo Mamma. Read that last sentence again, and then try to resist the urge to punch a total stranger in the face. The one potential upside is the possibility that some jackass will at some point in the future, say this to someone who actually is gay. Sure, he may feel witty in front of his boys, but he's probably not going to have anything to say that will top the response of, "Because I just had sex with you in a Porta-John?"

1. "Eees NIIIIIICE," or "My Seeestehr"¦" or "Een My Coun-tehr-ee"

Proper Usage: Borat quotes are meant to be delivered in an Eastern Bloc accent hackish enough to make Yakov Smirnoff ululate. Many people believe that the proper response to a Borat quote is another Borat quote, but this is actually incorrect. Modern etiquette and social responsibility demand that the quoter receive a swift testicle drubbing, lest he reproduce.

Read more of Zach's stuff over at his blog UnderpantsOnTheOutside.com .

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You Motorboatin’ Son-of-a-Bitch - Wedding Crashers t-shirt

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You Motor Boatin’ Son of a Bitch

While fishing travel is the primary focus of this website, I’m also a big fan of the related art of motorboating. I’ve had seven boats but only one wife – luckily she likes motorboating, too. Unfortunately, it’s sometimes frowned upon in public. If you feel those societal pressures, but still want to show how much you love it, check out some of the following gear.

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We get no kickbacks from any of these companies, but if you send a pic of yourself wearing one of these – or, better yet, wearing one while motor boating – we’ll publish it and send you a Half Past First Cast neck gaiter.

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